Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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