Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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