i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
as a side note pls kill me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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