Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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