At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
