she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
