This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
