Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize