its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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