i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
