Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
