The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
