Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
