They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
