Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
