Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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