ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
