JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
