I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
