I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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