He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
