rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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