If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize