The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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