so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
