i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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