Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
