Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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