I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
