She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
