this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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