Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
