he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
