Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just puked most of my soul out..
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