What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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