Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
