I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
