so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
