I hate your face
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
