When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
