my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
