We won't sleep together?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Randomize
