3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
NoShamevember. You game?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize