Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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