I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize