i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
