he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
