with your own penis?
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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