i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
