Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
