what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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