Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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