My liver just broke up with me...
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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