If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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