In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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