Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
