I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
