So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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