I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
