She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
