you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
