id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
please come you make the beer taste better
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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