your thong is hanging out like whoa
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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