I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize