God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
