I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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