Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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