If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
