He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
