there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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