Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
