my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
